Client U20.ND18 - Session 1

Hey, so… I need to start this season off with an author’s note.

This is not what I originally thought Season 3 was going to be like, but if you haven’t noticed--partially because of the ambiguity built into the show's design--I’ve always played with reality a little bit when it came to this show. I thought it was good to add a bit of realism and immersion because it would mean the larger takeaways or morals of each season would be something the audience could walk away with if they needed it. 

But then CoVid-19 happened, and that creates a very specific set of problems for the Oracle of Dusk, as a podcast anyway. If I want to play with reality, then…. (sigh) Well, I don’t need to call it out directly, but these circumstances would obviously change some of the details of the client’s lives and their session. So I was left with a bit of a dilemma. I could either accept these changes or go with the original plan. 

While these are extraordinary circumstances and I will always hope this never happens again, there are lessons we can find here: universal fears that are now coming up in spades and things we all need to hear about there. There are still universal truths to be found.

So I made a decision to acknowledge this new reality in the various sessions this season. But beyond this author’s note, I’ll never call out the virus by name. If you need an escape, you might still find it here, but that was something I could never fully guarantee.

I hope you’ll stick with me through it, but on the other hand, I fully understand if you won’t.

Best wishes. Sincerely and genuinely. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you and yours are well.

MJ.

(Beep. Music fades in.)

I have no idea if my timing on this tape is any good. It probably isn’t with my luck. But we’ve all been in some sort of terrible time of transition, right now. I mean, you would think universities would be more equipped for a transition to remote learning because weren’t there always students who needed that option. But I guess not. And according to my girlfriend, the need did not guarantee that this was available or implemented well, so now this is all just hitting the fan hard. Across the board with everything else. It’s… (sigh) wow.

I mean, I’m overwhelmed, and I’m getting all of it second hand. Or third hand. I mean, sure, my girlfriend works for your school. But she also comes home to me. Like she always does. And my job has already had remote elements for a month or so already. And luckily it’s the same software, so we’ve got our home base covered. I mean, all I had to do was redesign our home office a bit. And that was still kind of stressful.

It was stressful, but we only packed up parts of our life, right? A very small part. That doesn’t compare with what you went through. You had to pack everything into boxes and then into a small car and then drive that small car to your childhood home, to unpack all of those boxes in a space that’s gone through a couple makeovers that you did not have a say in at all. 

And that wasn’t supposed to matter, right? This has nothing to do with your parents. Even with the job market being what it is, the plan when you graduated was that you would go to your aunt’s house, but right now your aunt has to go into a more intense lockdown than most other people, so this option is not available right now. And now you have to fall back on a backup plan that never supposed to be.

(Music cuts.)

Okay. Child of grace, hope, and love. Let me say it right now. I know what’s going on. I am well tuned into it. And it’s not so weird that you think this remote psychic reaching out to you is the least bizarre and stressful thing that’s happening right now. You would be right on that front. I mean, for you in particular. 

(Music fades in)

I know you’ve always been a firm believer in these sorts of things. And quite obviously, I don’t think you’re dumb for feeling that way. I mean, hello. Oracle of Dusk here. That would be a pot and kettle situation. In fact, I’m pretty happy that you do. It saves us time on the introduction front. But I mean, wouldn’t you want a psychic who would know to approach you? Who wouldn’t be waiting for a phone call you don’t like making.

But anyway, your next question would be about… Well, why am I reaching out to you at all? You don’t think you have anything you would need to ask a psychic about. 

And well, let’s unpack that. You don’t think that you would bring something to a psychic because you don’t know if you should designate a certain thing in your life as important or pressing enough to bring to a psychic, which I guess then leads to a conversation about what a psychic’s purpose is and why would you choose to bring something to them at all. Let’s see about that. The most common reason would be to settle a dilemma or to get an answer to a question. In either situation, it would be something that the person could not handle on their own.

But the thing is… For that, you need a sense of agency, right? You would need to be the one who has to make the decisions or is facing the dilemma. And that’s… Well, that’s the thing, right? It’s a matter of agency. That’s the issue. You had that once. So you know what it’s like, but alas, that’s not the situation right now.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

You know, I remember when I was in college and how much I loved that sense of freedom, that  came my day to day life not being consistent or dictated by anyone else. And sure, there were pieces to manage, but I was the one managing them.

  Very few phases of very few lives will have anything like that again. And it was the first time you knew that kind of freedom. And now you are tempted to ask me if it will come again, since I brought it up and all, but I can’t tell you that. I don’t know the future. It’s not yet written. I only know the present, the feelings that engulf you now, and the thing we’ll be unpacking. Potentially while you literally unpack. You haven’t decided how you want to do the podcast listening yet. Fair enough.

But at least you had the presence of mind to keep everything organized, right? I mean, it wasn’t presence of mind, though. This is your senior year, and as a result, the act of packing up your life for a relocation was imminent, and the dread made you over analyze the details and make plans for that distant date. Or for what you thought was a distant date. So while everyone else was scrambling, you already had something to fall back on.

And you were so calm to everyone else. They all thought you were in control. Which made sense. It’s part of the person you’ve carefully cultivated across time, right? You’ve always been the responsible one, the parental figure. And while everyone else was panicking, you felt like you had to double down on that persona. For their sake. For the sake of consistency. And also because you did not know what else to do. You had to be the person you were always known to be, regardless of what you were feeling.

Partially because there was an element of this was a “best case scenario” sort of thing. You’re all healthy right now, and separating you all would help ensure that. But this isn’t even about what you were told; you know this from experience. In your three and a half years in that dormitory, there was never a cold and flu that did not seize every resident of the hall in turn despite the staff’s best efforts. 

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

It has to be done, and you know it. You don’t need all the PSAs drilling the point home, all the hot takes on Twitter or other parts of the internet. Yes, other people are not taking this seriously enough. You know that. Some of your peers are like that. In fact, you’re just waiting to see one of your classmates on one of the news stories about people who aren’t heeding the warnings and making the situations worse.

But that’s them. That’s not you. You have every right to turn off those warnings that you are already heeding. But you don’t. You are drawn to watch them because you are drawn to the different type of rebuke that waits therein. 

And that’s what we need to unpack, right? This thing you don’t want to think about but is still a very tangible part of your reality. You want to hide it away not just because you want to but because you feel like you have to. Because it’s the responsible thing to do. And the responsible person has to always do the responsible thing. 

Even now, you don’t want to fully admit that you feel this way. You don’t want to admit that this state of affairs is what it is. Because you feel like you can’t or you shouldn’t or it isn’t right.  The state of affairs in your own mind, of course. What’s happening in the rest of the world is equal parts obvious and tragic, but you’re trying to rewrite aspects of the story in your own mind.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

The irony of all of that is that I think it’s this attempt at forcing a revision of some sort, a revision of what doesn’t need to be revised that is bringing us together. That’s the thing the universe seemed to have shown me. 

Am I going to call you out on it? Right now. No. I mean. Well I wouldn’t necessarily call it mean. More like counterproductive. Because right now I need you to not turn off these sessions. I need you to not ignore me. I need you to hear me. For your sake of course. But remember the first season. People are connected. 

(Music fades out. Beep.)

The Oracle of Dusk is a Miscellany Media Studios Production. It is written, edited, performed, and produced by MJ Bailey. With music licensed from the Sounds like an Earful music supply. Thank you for listening. Consider leaving a review on Podchaser, specifically because they will be donating to Meals on Wheels for every review left in the first half of April.